Monday, January 04, 2016

My soapbox for casual dating

I read this article years ago and came back to it today. Skip the courtship section and read "The case for traditional dating". Can we all collectively agree to just change the culture of dating? As a teen, I remember feeling pressured to be "in a relationship" the minute you went on a single date. It was emotionally exhausting. One date = dating, which meant if that date wasn't stellar you had to "break up" before you could be interested in someone else and then if you thought you'd give it another try with someone because maybe you judged too quickly you were either now in a complicated on-and-off relationship OR you were getting in deeper with someone and it was just so much freaking pressure. God forbid you date more than one person in quick succession because now you were either a whore OR you were in some soap-opera worthy web of torn hearts and broken dreams.
LDS (i.e. Mormons) have a similar many-and-casual view and I love it.
I'm not endorsing hook-up culture (i.e. all physical and no emotional relationship); I believe in keeping the physical and emotional investments in pace with each other. When I was a teen it felt like the expectation of both emotional committment and physical committment were way too high immediately and now there are three camps: all physical and no emotional (hook-up culture) or all emotional and no physical (courtship culture), all of both (immediately exclusive and intense and then when it almost surely isn't perfect break-up and move on=hookup-and-breakup). Where's the reasonable balance of "a little of both until something is interesting enough for a little more of both"?? And it's really not about a religious view (though both of these links are)--I think it's just a LOT healthier emotionally and mentally.

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