Tuesday, December 09, 2014

On the silence

It's been hard here, but there's also been a lot of good.  There are daily highs and lows and sometimes stretches of good and (what often feel like endless) stretches of bad.

But I'm not sure where these things fall under the Things UnBloggable umbrella.  Maryna is not a newborn.  I can't write about something silly that she does that may embarrass her, or crow about her accomplishments--that may also embarrass her.  Of all the things she has the right to, privacy is pretty high up on that list.  She's had precious little privacy for the past 5 years.  I want to respect that.  I could just post stuff that she already shares on Facebook and VK, I suppose, but it's her life, not mine.  I'm glad we are a part of it, but it's her story to tell.  I hope that someday she will share it with me.

The death of Rob's mom came after a very long illness, but for her sake it also fell under Things UnBloggable and largely stays there.  It was an all-consuming summer and autumn here, with Maryna's' hosting and adoption and Mom's health concerns and a constant sense of censorship regarding what can and should be discussed in front of or about various people.  The adoption is done.  We lost Rob's mom.  But I am still very careful about what we say or share.

Katie, Jorge, and August are still fair game, they're just busy. Busy talking endlessly about every thought that drifts across his brain (August), busy working through some life issues which means daily screaming fits that result in bloody noses and exhausted parents and burnt out everyone (Jorge), and busy working on world domination and utopian enforcement (Katie).

As we prepare for Christmas and remember last year's preparations--just after the diagnosis, just before Maryna's arrival--it's a bit surreal.  So much has happened this year.  I can't remember a more stressful year. Work has been disasterously bad this year (go figure) and leaves me in tears.  The kids are all healthy and growing and learning and that's a gift.  But the stress of this year has been very hard on all of us. It affects our patience and parenting and our interactions with everyone around us. We're tired all the way down to our bones and there's no end in sight.  I'm grateful for a husband I respect and trust and for a family (both in our house and our extended family all across the country) that brings joy and love and support to every day.

Writing helps me keep perspective.  The blog continues.

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