Wednesday, May 21, 2014

Hello, Brain!

The last 2 months have been a distracted fog.  The status of that day's most urgent document was a constant looming concern.  No matter what else I was doing--teaching, parenting, exercising, chatting with M, doing my research work or any of my other work responsibilities--everything was done with a constant whirring hamster wheel in my head and that hamster was running running running toward the dossier.  Must get letters.  Must send document.  Must find notary.  Must call doctor.  Guessing dates, counting out the weeks, running what-if schedules.  Whirrrrrrrrr....

And today, it's calm.  I mailed that packet out Monday afternoon and drove home in a surreal bliss.  Those with smart phones and music devices may not understand the magic of this, but I walked out to the car thinking "I could really rock out to that song 'Happy' right now" and then found it on the radio.  I seat-danced and sang my way out of the capital.  It ended and I scanned for a new station and it was just starting on the new station that the scanner found.  I sang and danced down the thruway.  It ended and I scanned again and found it again.  Three rounds (12 minutes) of bopping and singing got me out of the capital region and on the thruway home and reached the daily human consumption threshold of Happy.

Tuesday was spent at home.  Rob and I had agreed that once the dossier was out of our hands we'd take a day to spend some time together--maybe a bike ride or lunch.  But we both wasted the morning doing odds and ends and then August was home and then the kids were home and then it was dinner time and showers and bed and boom, it's Wednesday.  But I was home and present and the whiiiiiirrrrrrrr was quiet.  We had a real meal, not a distracted anxiety snack buffet.  I got a dozen little things done.  I could see past the end of the next day's to-do list.  Life was happening and I was no longer too busy making plans to notice it.

And today I'm back in my office for the first time in a full week.  I've accomplished a dozen small things and made lists of others and actually feel like I'm a functional human.  I had a very sweet note from M this morning and talked with my parents and made some summer travel plans; talked with a co-author, planned some research, and did administrative tasks.  Now I'm preparing to write a research paper--a task which requires the intensive focus and broad mental planning and creative connecting that has been completely outside of my capabilities for the past two full months.   Back to work.

PS: The agency just sent confirmation that our dossier packet shipped out Tuesday afternoon, May 20.  The in-country agent has electronic copies of everything and is working on translating already, so once it's all in her hands and the translations are done it will be submitted on the next available submission date.  Then it's the 10-12 week wait for them to approve us and send an appointment date.

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