Friday, December 13, 2013

Four.

I've been struggling with expressing all the feelings I've had in the last few weeks. This season of advent, of anticipation, of waiting to meet someone we already feel so much love toward who comes with a status others may judge to be less worthy.

 Just feels like the very epitome of Christmas.

Christmas--the birthday of Christ.  What better gift to give Him than to love on the unloved?  To clothe the unclothed, to feed the hungry and soothe the hurting all in the form of a child?

And the perspective it has given to our own holidays is amazing.  Maybe this is obvious to others already, but for me it was a shift: Gifts are not about fulfilling every wish and whim of the recipient, they are a symbol of our wish for the other person to be happy and to know they are loved.  They are a gesture of our own desire, not a fulfillment of others' desires.  They are a promise and a wish, not a paid bill.  I've always been a happy gift giver--I love picking stuff out for people "on my list"--but it often felt like "what does this person want/need" and less like "how can I make this person smile and know they are loved?"  A gift is not earned, it is given out of love, and love--the real good love--is unconditional.  We are always worthy of love.  This year, I see that truth so much in "M" and our preparations for her, but it has also opened my eyes and my heart to the way I show and receive love to my kids, my family, and myself; and given me a better perspective on the often overly-material side of the holiday that I fight against.  It's ok, too.  Love is a gift, a gift is love. Given freely, without condition, and with the hope that it brings joy and happiness.  Small, large, practical, impractical--it's all love.

4 more days.


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